The fear of losing your house may alter your behaviour… and these are the reasons why!
The 5 stages of grief and loss are:
- Denial and isolation
The stages of grief are universal and are experienced by most people across most cultures. Grieving happens in response to a person’s own terminal illness, the loss of a close relationship (divorce, job loss or loss of wealth), or to the death of a valued being, human or animal. According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, there are five stages of grief that were described in her book “On Death and Dying.”
In this article, we will talk about “loss” and particularly “financial loss”
In our grief, we spend different lengths of time working through each step and express each stage with different levels of intensity. Sometimes sufferers often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of the circumstance. But, as in financial distress, most of us are not afforded the luxury of time required to achieve this final stage of grief. You are being pushed by the banks to perform and you just don’t know how…
The key to understanding the stages is not to feel like you must go through every one of them, in precise order. Instead, it’s more helpful to look at them as guides in the grieving process — it helps to get a Debt Counselor involved in the process as soon as possible to help minimize the long-term effects of financial distress.
Keep in mind — all people grieve differently. Some people will wear their emotions on their sleeve and be outwardly emotional. Others will experience their grief more internally and may not cry.
Denial & Isolation
You may experience financial troubles in the following way: The first reaction is to deny the reality of the situation. “This isn’t happening, this can’t be happening, I will get a new job tomorrow, my wife (or husband) will soon realise that she/he still loves me, I will get better soon so I can start working again ”are some of the responses that we hear. It is normal to think in this way. It is a protection device that cushions the direct blow of the loss. We try to hide from the facts by softening the words we use to describe our pain. This is a brief reaction that helps us get through the first stage of pain.
As the effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects (broken dishes, smashed doors), complete strangers (yelling at them or treating them with disregard), friends or family (physically attacking or verbally attacking them). Rationally, we know the people we are attacking are not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent that person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us angrier.
Remember, grieving is a personal process that has no time limit, nor one “right” way to do it. This is not something that we want to do but it is something that we must do in order to have a good life again.
Do not hesitate to ask a Debt Counselor or Financial Advisor to assist with getting you extra time, or to explain just once more time the details of your problem and hopefully a solution. Arrange a special appointment or ask that they call you at the end of her day. Ask for clear answers to your questions regarding the solution to your problem and the way forward. Understand the options available to you. Take your time.
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control:
If only we had sought Distressed Property Advice sooner…
If only we knew that there was a solution to our problem…
If only we had tried to save money when we had money…
Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our Higher Power to postpone the inevitable. This is a more delicate line of defence to protect us from the excruciating reality.
It is a reaction to the practical implications relating to the loss. Before we get to the stage of depression, we feel an overwhelming sadness and regret. We worry about lots of things but, we worry about what will become of us and our family once the bank has repossessed the property. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words.
Sometimes all we really need is a hug and some reassurance that everything will work out fine.
Not everyone will reach this stage. We may never be able to see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness but must be distinguished from depression.
Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience — A Certified Distressed Property Adviser can help you go through it more easily and will understand all the emotions that you’re going through. They can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it only will prolong the natural process of healing.
A Debt Counselor will be able to help you find a solution to your problem that will fit your circumstances. There is no need to go through this alone. Together with the four major banks, which are on your side, we will find a workable solution that will, in the long run, keep you from certain financial ruin. The banks understand that you will be able to stand up and be strong again one day and they are prepared to help you. You only need to realise that there is help there and to ask for help before it is too late! Once your property is repossessed, they cannot help you anymore.
When should you ask for help?
Although the” Denial Stage” is there to help you soften the blow of the pain, it will be more helpful for you to ask for information at this stage. The sooner you ask for help the better your chances of recovery will be. It will also help you soften the pain of your loss because you will see that there is a way out!
If you know of any homeowner in dire straits who are battling to make ends meet, please forward the link to this page immediately so that they can realise that it is not necessary to go through this painful experience alone.
The banks don’t want to take your house, they want to help you keep it or in certain cases help you sell it quickly to keep you creditworthy. Once your credit worthiness is taken away from you, you will find it very difficult to have a normal life again. It is something that will take you decades to recover from and we must find a way minimise the blow!